I am afraid of the dark.
But not in the way you might expect. While I am not embarrassed that I still sleep with night light, warding off intruders or monsters is only one of the reasons why.
I am afraid of the dark because I know what usually follows when I turn out the light. I lay there nestled in my bed, but eyes wide open, waiting for sleep to come. I wait and I wait. I pray for it to come. I pull the covers over me, then kick them off again. I stare at the clock. None of this helps.
In the silence, my mind only speeds up like someone pressed the fast forward button on a cassette recorder, replaying every aspect of my day and all the things I could have done differently. It dredges up a disagreement with my sister three months ago and conjures up the things I should have said that I didn’t say. It goes over my to-do list for tomorrow and then obsesses how that to-do list will never get done because I will be sleep deprived.
I’ve tried sleep meds and supplements that don’t work, or work for a little while, and then stop working. I hired a sleep doctor. I used to fear my inability to fall asleep was a sign that I was becoming manic again, and while I suppose it still lingers in the back of my mind and causes anxiety, which only perpetuates not falling asleep, I still tell myself that is not the case. My sleepless nights have now become a prolonged evening routine, in some ways, a part of me.
Yet, there are times that I will fall asleep around 4 a.m. and then be unable to get out of bed in the morning, which drastically impacts my entire day. It’s a vicious cycle, but that one fact that I do sleep for a little while made me believe I could not have insomnia. I thought I simply had sleep issues.
What I didn’t know is that there are different types of insomnia, and that I did indeed fall into both of the buckets.
What is Insomnia?
Insomnia is the inability to fall or stay asleep multiple times a week for multiple months. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine says it is more common in older adults, women, people under stress, and people with certain medical and mental health problems such as depression. About 25 to 30 million Americans have insomnia at any given time—whether it’s acute or chronic. I didn’t know there was a difference.
Research shows acute insomnia is caused by a stressor, something that causes the brain to be hyper aroused or hyperalert. A breakup. A death. A job loss. With acute insomnia, you rarely get into deep sleep, have trouble falling asleep, or go to sleep for four hours and then you are wide awake. This goes on for several months.
Chronic insomnia, on the other hand, lasts for a lot longer. It can trigger serious daytime problems such as exhaustion, irritability and difficulty concentrating. Often, an individual with chronic insomnia may have started with acute insomnia where they believe they used to be a good sleeper until a stressful experience happened. The stressor may have now gone away, but the sleep patterns of fragmented sleep remain, like difficulty falling asleep or waking in the mornings. Research shows chronic insomnia can lead to increased risk of depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and even motor vehicle accidents.
But if you are someone who has difficulty falling and staying asleep, but you wake up feeling refreshed, then it is likely that you do not have insomnia. The question to ask yourself, doctors say, is how does the lack of sleep affect you the next day? What are the emotional outcomes of bad sleep? It could be sleep apnea or a mental health challenge.
When I discovered all this, I realized I probably began with acute insomnia, which then turned into chronic insomnia. When I don’t sleep well, I tend to trudge through the next day like I’m walking through mounds of mud, barefoot, in slow motion.
Solutions
Here are six tips my sleep doctor shared with me, which have helped me improve my sleep and made me not dread the dark anymore.
1.) Set a sleep schedule. My sleep doctor taught me that a regular sleep schedule helps to fall asleep faster by adjusting our circadian rhythm. I aim to go to sleep at 11:30 p.m. and wake at 7:30 p.m. Once we regulate our internal clocks our bodies adjust, which makes it easier to fall asleep and wake around the same time each day. I am still working on this.
2.) Use the bed for sleep only. The bed should be used for only sleep and sex. Really. That means no reading in bed, working in bed, eating in bed, or watching TV in bed. Just sleep. It is also important to wind down every evening to prepare for sleep.
3.) Practice Mindfulness. Meditation has a positive impact on your stress levels, sleep quality, or cognitive function. There are two sleep meditations I like to try when I am wide awake to make me sleepier both on Insight Timer, a free app. The first is a 45-minute sleep meditation called Awaken to a Clean Slate. If that doesn’t work, I will try a 20 minute one called Slowing Down Your Mind. Both meditations focus on the breath. If neither of that work, I know I am in for a long, long night.
4.) Avoid looking at the clock. I usually check the clock every hour when I am awake or when I wake up in the middle of the night. Research has suggested that this clock-watching behavior increases brain stimulation and exacerbates anxious feelings of sleeplessness. I now put my clock in the living room, so I do not have to see it or stare at it all night long and I have further to travel to turn the alarm off. If you are unable to do this, at least turn it around so it is not facing you.
5.) Turn off all electronics. An hour before bed, stop watching TV, playing video games, turn off the computer, and put down your cell phone, all of which may make it significantly harder to fall and stay asleep. This is partly because electronic devices emit blue light, which suppresses melatonin. Some people purchase blue ray glasses to block out the blue light and use electronics longer.
6.) Don’t toss and turn. When you can’t sleep, don’t toss and turn for hours. Instead, physically get out of bed and go into the living room and read or write, preferably not watch tv because the blue light will start the cycle all over again. Stay there until you feel sleepy, then try again. If it doesn’t work, get up and try again as many times as you need to.
Sleep is the singular foundation for our overall emotional, physical, and mental wellbeing and all of these things have helped me to sleep sounder, and more regularly.
Now, I’d love to hear from you. What is your own relationship with sleep? Is it good? Bad? Temperamental? I’d especially love to hear from those I envy most who go to bed, sleep through the night, and religiously wake up refreshed without an alarm clock.
Finally, if you are interested in working with me through private 1:1 coaching, send an email to michele@michelecapots.com for a free 60-minute clarity call to discover how I can best support you in reaching your goals faster on the path to mental wellness.
And if you are looking for more mental wellness tools to support your growth, here is a short, guided meditation and workbook of mental wellness strategies that you can download for FREE to find calm in any given challenging moment.
As always, I am aware there are so many things vying for your attention these days, so I truly appreciate you taking the time to read this far. Please hit the SUBSCRIBE or SHARE button below to get a new post delivered directly to your inbox next week or to share my work with someone who might enjoy it.
Until then.
Be Well,
Michele