What Does it Really Mean to Awfulize?
Why do I do this and how do I stop?
When the phone rang after 10 p.m., I used to have a mini panic attack.
Immediately, I knew someone was dead, or there had been a terrible car accident, and that whoever was on the other end of that phone was about to deliver devastating news.
My body tensed and convulsed at the sheer sound of the ring.
But it wasn’t just a late-night phone call that evoked such a dramatic response. I also did this frequently in many other areas of my life.
If I drove over a big pothole, I’d spend the rest of the ride coming undone because I knew I had a flat tire. If my boss asked me to come into his office, I prepared for the worst because I knew I was about to be fired.
I never knew there was an actual word for my behavior – awfulizing.
But so many other people I knew did not seem to have the same intense reactions to seemingly trivial everyday experiences.
Why do I do this and how do I stop?
The term awfulizing was originally coined by psychologist Albert Ellis to describe the tendency to exaggerate or catastrophize a situation by viewing it as far more tragic than it actually is. It's a form of irrational thinking where someone perceives a bad situation as being the absolute worst-case scenario, without considering any other possible outcome. When we awfulize, we escalate seemingly every day situations to complete utter disasters, when in reality, it is never that bad.
This type of behavior differs from ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop,’ (another behavior I was deeply intimate with), and even catastrophizing, as it increases the degree to which something is considered awful. When we wait for the other shoe to drop, we tend to fear something that is coming that hasn’t happened yet. When we catastrophize, we may worry about a whole slew of negative possibilities.
But I have found there is a level of certainty with awfulizing. There is no impending doom, it IS doom. It is happening now or has already happened, and it is dreadful. Our emotions are also involved in awfulizing because our bodies tend to react to the beliefs we’re feeding it. When the phone rang in the late evening, I went into a fight or flight response. My whole body tensed. When I thought I had a flat tire, my mind escalated to “I don’t know how to change it. It’s dark. What if I get abducted? This is terrible and I don’t know what to do.”
And as a result, my body prepared itself for the worst.
Left unchecked and repeated for a significant length of time, awfulizing behavior can have a drastic impact on our mental wellbeing because it can lead to depression, anxiety, poor decision-making skills, and even relationship problems because it creates a sense of distrust and lack of confidence.
So, how can we begin to break the cycle?
These five steps supported me the most to stop awfulizing and giving away my power.
1.) Awareness. The first step to changing anything is to become aware of it. I had to realize I was doing it when I was in the middle of it. I had a mentor who would always say, ‘there you go, Michele, awfulizing again.’ It had become so engrained in me, at first, I couldn’t see it myself unless she pointed it out. I had to become aware I was doing it.
2.) Breathe. Stop and take a deep breath into the part of your body that is activated. Notice the tension and sensations, without judgement. I would allow myself to get so worked up that I would have a mini panic attack. Breathe in and out slowly. This calms your nervous system and helps you regain control so that you can begin to think clearly.
3.) Check Your Reality. State only the facts as a pattern interrupt. Ask yourself, what do you know to be true in the moment? What is the reality of what is happening? Make a list and repeat it out loud so you hear yourself say it. This opens the aperture to allow in only the information that is known right now.
4.) Think the Thought All the Way Through. Now that you are calmer, determine what you can do to improve the situation. For example, if I actually had a flat tire, I had Triple A. I could find a safe place to pull off the road and wait for them to come to change it. It would not be ideal, but I knew that I would be able to get through the situation. Sometimes simply recognizing our resilience and the knowledge that we could handle the worst-case scenario takes away its life-or-death pull on us.
5.) Seek Support. If the behavior continues, or is interfering with daily life, seek the support of a trusted friend, coach, or therapist, to get to the root of where this behavior began and discover more peace.
In my own life, I don’t tend to awfulize as much anymore, but every now and again, it still shows up. When it does, I practice these steps and can move through it very quickly and it no longer spirals out of control for me.
Now, I’d love to hear from you about your own awfulizing tendencies.
Is it something you do, used to do, or have never done? Share in the comments below.
I have a guided meditation and workbook of mental wellness strategies that can help you find calm in any given moment of stress that you can download for FREE here.
Also, if you are interested in working with me directly, or discovering how 1:1 coaching can support you in getting unstuck and reaching your goals faster and with more ease, email michele@michelecapots.com to schedule a FREE 60-minute clarity call to determine how I can best support you. In addition, in June, I am launching a 10-week group coaching mastermind, Being Unapologetically You. Details will be coming soon.
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Until then.
Be Well,
Michele