The Overlooked Link Between Compassion and Mental Wellbeing
Have you ever walked away from someone knowing you could have been more compassionate?
There was a time I was waiting at the pharmacy for a prescription.
It wasn’t the best of days as I felt like everything was closing in on me.
Not sleeping well for months. Working too much. My mother’s dementia being at a point where she is soon to forget me. I felt like I was in the perfect storm. A trifecta.
As I sat in the chair still waiting, my eyes welled with tears.
Then, a stranger sat down next to me. He looked at me and smiled. A genuine, but sad smile. I laughed a little and smiled back in return because I could only imagine what I looked like at that moment.
We sat in silence. Next, he gently reached his hand in his jacket pocket and handed me a tissue. “It gets better,” he said, without having any idea what my tears were about.
I laughed out loud as I silently wiped my eyes. When I heard my name called over the speaker, I started to make my way to the counter to get my order but then stopped and turned to look at him.
“Thank you,” I said.
But I was thanking him for much more than just the tissue. That one small moment of tenderness and compassion in the middle of my stressful day changed the rest of it, so much so that I still remember it today.
Many of us have a tendency to get so wrapped up in ourselves and our busy lives that we miss the opportunity to give or receive compassion.
Have you ever walked away from someone knowing you could have given more?
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The Difference Between Compassion and Self-Compassion
Compassion literally means “to suffer together.” Among emotion researchers, it is defined as the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another's suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering. It offers another approach from turning away from another’s pain as we sometimes may do.
When we feel compassion from someone specific things happen in our bodies. For one, it reduces the stress response by lowering levels of stress hormones like cortisol. It also helps us cope with difficult emotions and build resilience because it promotes a sense of safety. Finally, when we feel understood and cared for it strengthens our sense of belonging and connection to others, both crucial components for mental wellbeing.
When we receive compassion, it activates our internal resources to cope and ultimately heal. This strengthens our mental wellness.
But it is much easier to offer compassion to someone else than it often is to give it to ourselves. As someone with lived experience in mental illness, I personally know this to be true. I was someone who was so wrapped up in self-stigma, and for a long time judged myself for my illness, my mistakes, my anxiety, and my depression. With self-compassion, I could calm down my nervous system and tune out the inner critic, which provides more opportunity to engage more in the world around me and with the people I love.
When we show ourselves self-compassion, we are more compassionate with others, and it enhances a sense of belonging. It also enhances emotional resilience so that one can face difficulties with more optimism and adaptability. This mindset shift then creates the space to view setbacks as part of the human condition and not a personal failure.
By practicing self-compassion, it allows me to embrace myself, with all my many imperfections, and also provides the strength I need so that I can be mentally well.
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Here Are Three Ways to Practice Self-Compassion
1.) Write Yourself a Letter. When you find yourself struggling, writing yourself a letter can be supportive and soothing. Write the letter as either a loving and compassionate friend to yourself from the perspective of the friend. You can also write the letter as if you were talking to someone who shares the same struggle. OR write the letter from the compassionate part of yourself to the part of you who is still struggling. Then, put the letter down and reread it later for support.
2.) Practice Loving Kindness Meditation. Loving-kindness meditation, also known as Metta meditation, is a practice that cultivates feelings of love, compassion, and kindness towards oneself and others. To begin, place one hand on your belly, the other on your heart (this activates the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting relaxation, and can release oxytocin the "love hormone", which fosters feelings of calm and connection) and repeat these following phrases to yourself. “May I be kind to myself in this moment;” “May I accept this moment exactly as it is;” and “May I give myself all the compassion I need.” There are a variation of different phrases and an example of this meditation by Kristen Neff, a self-compassion guru, can be found here.
3.) Use Releasing Statements. I love this one. These statements are closely related to mini exercises in self-forgiveness and tap into the mindfulness concept of detached non-judgment. When you catch yourself thinking a negative thought like “I always make mistakes,” or “Nothing ever works out for me,” turn it around and release yourself from the feeling. Instead, try saying “it is okay that I made a mistake, everyone does,” or I know things are working out for me, even if I can’t see it yet.” When we release ourselves from suffering, we begin to find freedom.
Now I’d love to hear from you. What are some ways you are compassionate with yourself and others? Share in the comments.
If you are looking for more mental wellness tools to support your growth, here is a short, guided meditation and workbook of mental wellness strategies that you can download for FREE to find calm in any given challenging moment.
Also, if you are interested in working with me directly to discover how 1:1 coaching can support you, I guide professional men and women through transformation and transition as they shift away from mental health and into mental wellness so that they can achieve their goals faster and with ease. To schedule a FREE 60-minute clarity call, email michele@michelecapots.com.
Finally, I have had to pivot the launch date of the eight-week group coaching mastermind Being Unapologetically You to the fall. Please stay tuned.
As always, I am aware there are so many things vying for your attention these days, so I truly appreciate you taking the time to read this far. Please hit the SUBSCRIBE or SHARE button below to get a new post delivered directly to your inbox next week or to share my work with someone who might enjoy it.
Until then.
Be Well,
Michele