Five Super Strategies to Greater Confidence

But how can I be confident and have low self-esteem at the same time?

Photo by Caroline Veronez on Unsplash

Every day, I dreaded the end of each meeting.

As we prepared to join hands in conclusion the way we always did, I was always extra conscious of who was standing next to me.

When it was someone I knew, I let out an audible sigh of relief.

But if it was someone I didn’t know, I quickly became embarrassed because it was impossible for me to stop my hands from visibly trembling.

I used to attempt to reassure myself that you couldn’t notice just by looking at me, even though I knew you could, but when linking hands with someone else, it was undeniable.

I’d offer the person a weak smile when our fingers intertwined and silently pray they wouldn’t make a comment.

The trembling was a combination of a mental health medication side effect and my social anxiety over the trembling side effect, which only escalated my shakiness. It consumed me.

But I was someone who usually carried myself with confidence, except for this nagging aspect of me that desperately affected my level of self-esteem.

How could it be possible to be both confident and lack self-esteem at the same time?

A decade would pass before I discovered the answer and finally merged the two into one.

The Difference Between Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

Self-confidence has been said to be a state of mind that influences your behavior and plays a dramatic role in one’s level of success. It is the ability to believe in yourself and act on those beliefs. It includes acceptance of yourself and self-trust.

Self-esteem, on the other hand, is said to involve your entire sense of self. This includes your worth, value, and confidence in your abilities. Other factors of self-esteem are feelings of security, competence, identity, and a sense of belonging.

During the time of the trembling hands, I was working at a national magazine, had an active social life, and what I’d call a somewhat successful relationship. Basically, I liked the woman I was becoming and most of the time it showed in the way I carried myself.

But simultaneously, I’d experienced a series of mental health crises that found me in and out of the psych ward. Self-stigma had me questioning my self-worth daily and the way I was meant to show up in the world. I constantly judged myself for what I now perceived as my shortcomings. There was an outer battle to maintain my confidence in the life I’d built and an inner battle that no longer felt worthy or capable of having it.

While confidence is not innate and can be developed over time, I believe our self-esteem runs deeper into our belief systems about who we are. I heard a beautiful analogy explaining how we never actually lose our self-esteem. Imagine you are standing in front of an elephant. It appears massive, gigantic. But what happens when you begin to walk away from the elephant? It appears smaller and smaller and smaller. The elephant does not change. Our perception of it does.

The same is true for our self-esteem.

What helped me get back in line with the elephant was to practice self-compassion. I began showing myself grace, even when I didn’t even know what that meant. Slowly, I stopped berating myself for my mistakes or flaws and celebrated my wins, no matter how small. I looked for opportunities to get out of myself and help someone else. The more confident I became in my abilities, the more my self-esteem grew.

And what I discovered is that self-esteem and self-confidence actually go hand in hand.

But I have found that I need to nurture both of them.

Here are five steps to improve self-confidence.

Stand in a Power Pose. Amy Cuddy gave a great TEDx Talk about the influence of our body language on ourself and others. The Wonder Woman pose is one powerful example. Stand with your hand on your hips, feet length width apart, chin up, and look directly at the person you are talking to. This stance exudes confidence and practicing it will help you feel more self-assured, even if you do not feel that way at the moment. The Wonder Woman pose is my favorite, but this TEDx Talk provides several others and the correlation between our bodies effect on our minds.

Create a Personal Mission Statement. Creating a mission statement for your life is a fantastic step to boost confidence because it helps you define your goals, values, and purpose. Begin by making a list of your values and the things that you are passionate about. Then drill down on each item on the list to the core of what matters most to you. Your mission statement may be ‘to live a balanced life and make a difference in the lives of others.’ It may include your children or family. But remember it is personal to you.

Make a Vision Board. A vision board is a collage of photos or images that you are calling into your life. For example, mine has a photo of a living room because I want to move. It has a dog because I am finally ready to get another one after mine died years ago. It also has a photo of someone working out because fitness is important to me. Pasted on the poster board are also quotes I find inspiring and uplifting. It boosts my confidence because when I look at it because I feel excited and inspired and that feeling continues throughout my day.

Repeat Affirmations. Repeating affirmations is a powerful way to increase your confidence. When I am feeling down or overwhelmed, saying them can help to increase my confidence in a moment of stress. When saying an affirmation, make sure to begin with the words I AM. For example, I am strong. I am resilient. I am confident. Whatever we place on the other end of the words I AM we tend to embody. But your affirmation can be more than I AM statement. Perhaps it is a sentence such as ‘prosperity and new opportunities find me every day.’ Whatever it is, make sure it speaks to you and is easy to remember. I also write mine down and put them on the bathroom mirror. Combine your affirmation with a power pose and watch your confidence skyrocket.

Be Around Supportive People. It has been said that we are the sum of the five people we spend the most time with. Look at your circle. Do the people in your life inspire and uplift you or are they negative, and do they bring you down? Surround yourself with people who are a few steps ahead of where you desire to be so you can learn and grow. That is not to say dismiss all your friends and go make new ones, but instead be conscious of where you are placing your energy, which can have an impact on your confidence.

Practicing these steps have helped me to not only boost but maintain my confidence levels.

Share in the comments if any of these resonate or what you would add to the list.

Increasing confidence is an ongoing struggle for so many people I encounter, and I’d like to do something I’ve never done before and go LIVE to teach another tool I use to increase mine. This Sunday, June 1^st, at 5 p.m. EST join me for a LIVE tapping exercise on self-confidence on Substack. Whether you have never tapped before, or are a seasoned Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) pro, join me to confidently step into a new week, a new month, and a new season. There is power in community.

We heal and grow together.

I hope to see you there.

Be Well,

Michele